


Cesspool of Love

by Mariebluecat



Category: Black Mirror, Black Mirror: Bandersnatch
Genre: Drugs, Existentialism, Fluff, Happy ending???, Kissing, M/M, POV Second Person, i have a headache
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 01:57:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17255444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mariebluecat/pseuds/Mariebluecat
Summary: When you first saw him, you couldn't take your eyes off him for a second.





	Cesspool of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Black Mirror makes me feel so many emotions that it has pushed me to write my first fanfic.

Waking up every morning grew tiring as each day passed, but today would be different. It had to be different. This cycle you have been in for the upteenth time, each more brutal than the last. The figure in the mirror looked back upon you. He was slouching with eyes that had purple painted underneath. You looked at yourself, then you splashed cold water over your face. 

This loop would be different. 

Entertaining your father with the same conversation over again couldn't be helped. You rushed through the morning routine, picking Frosties and eating the cereal in record time, leaving without a second word. At least you still had some control. You always had control at the beginning, the rest was a downward spiral in a hole. Was there ever going to be a time where you were truly brought out of it? Yes, and this would be it. Just a feeling you had.

The Tuckersoft building looked over the insignificant frame of your body. You held onto the strap of your bag tighter, walking through the door. Darkness was accompanied with bright light, and there you were, with Thukar's arm wrapped around your shoulders. He was leading you to Colin, an irregularity in an abnormal situation. The breath of fresh air that filled your lung when the walls felt like they were closing in. Colin, the only person who you would ever wax horrible poetry for. Your stomach was lurching, twisting with the sight of him.

When you first saw him, you couldn't take your eyes off him for a second. You stuttered and spluttered all over the place, making a fool out of yourself. Now the anxious anxiety was gone, but it was still present. Following like a ghost. You were introduced once more, reveling in the recognition in his eyes, enjoying the moment when you told him what went wrong with his game, bathing in the satisfaction the lay in Colin's eyes. 

Being brought into another room to demo your game left you reminiscing on the time when you felt his gaze burning your back. It left you fidgeting. You were so scared when you didn't implement the option to worship Pax back then. The first impression was ruined. Now, he didn't care. Colin purposely chose the other option. It felt like a secret shared between the two of you, like you were children, exchanging glances. 

Refusing the proposal of working with a team got easier. Dread of having Colin walk up behind you and scorching your shoulder sent shivers down your spine. Him unashamedly telling you, "Sorry mate, wrong path."

You never knew that one person could affect you so much.

-

You continued down the path that was made for you, wondering when the option to follow Colin would arrive. When it came, you were grateful for the other worldly being controlling your fate. He smiled and invited you over to his apartment. Kitty holding Pearl, her child that couldn't be pried away from her. You were lead into a separate room, back where you jumped off the balcony, where you forced Colin to jump off. He sat there across from you, looking as if he knew everything and anything. Nothing ever seemed to be a mystery to him.

"C-Colin, let's get out of this loop."

He tilted his head, glasses glinting, "What do you mean? We can't get out of this loop Stefan, we're going to be forced to live it over and over." He leaned forward with his head in his hands, "That's what they want from us."

"Th-that doesn't m-mean we have to listen to them," you looked desperately over to him. "We can try to resist, we can try to refuse what they want from us."

Colin grabbed a box to unscrew the top, "We'll still be in the loop."

"Not necessarily! Maybe refusing them will stop the loop, you never know." 

"No, I don't. That still doesn't stop me from thinking that it's useless." Two fingers escaped the box with two tablets of a lion on them, "Here, come on now. We both know how this loop ends."

"Colin, please," you pleaded with him.

He looked and motioned pointedly to his fingers, the urge to pop one into your mouth settled down in the pit of your stomach. It clawed it's way through your throat, down your back. Pulling and tugging at your limbs. A shaky breath being taken in and out of your lungs, sweat dripped down your face as you took the tablet. The tip tablet went inside your mouth and down your throat. It was time to wait for the effects to come in. 

The swirling colors never failed to impress you. The headiness overcame your body. Your limbs felt lighter than ever before and your face was so hot. There was something dripping on it, you laughed and grasped onto the skin, wondering if it was melting off. Blues and reds making a dichotomous backdrop with Colin spouting off about Pacman, blending into the middle of his body. Such a beautiful purple was created. Him frantically trying to explain that the government was screwing everyone over, you just couldn't help but think he was at his best right here and now. 

His vigor, his enthusiasm, infected you. Emanating from his body, emersing you head to toe, going into your pores and out again. Repeating the process over and over, so much that you just couldn't sit any longer. The longer that you stayed still the more your body would melt into the couch and off the chair. It brought a thought that you wouldn't mind melting in front of him. You wouldn't mind melting into Colin. 

Colin just kept going on his tirade as your hand made new art of of his old art. The flowers never looked better. It moved to your command, to your will and soul. It moved to Colin's increasing tone. A laugh escaped you lips as you were suddenly brought to the attention of this man that you had the pleasure of meeting. The man that made you feel like no one ever has before. Colin was your Theif of Destiny. He was the stealer of your breath, mind, time, and heart. 

It kept amazing you how one man can make sense of all the chaos in the world around you. He anchored you to this reality and the next and the one before and the one after. You wouldn't mind being in this hell of a loop if it was with him, but life would be so much better if you were out of it. Fuck getting five stars on Bandersnatch, all you wanted was the domestic bliss of just the two of you. You just wanted for him to keep his hands on your face, looking at you with that dopey smile. 

You brought your fingers up, nodding in confirmation with his statement. They trailed down his face were his eyeballs melted out of his sockets. The fingers painted his face and down his cheecks to his jawline. Your other hand joined in with the first, coloring him as he colored your world.

Lips crashed into yours as your tugged on his wild, bleached hair. Colin held your hips, bringing you closer to him, his body. Kissing always seemed disgusting. How could someone get pleasure out of it? Colin held the answer to your questions, you could no longer be surprised by this simple fact. 

He kept you close and tightly pressed against his body, the sensation of melting coming back to you. Your bodies coalescing and intertwining together, moving as one, becoming one. Bodies being pressed up against the wall, panting as you both took deep breathes. You stole his air as he stole yours, and you timidly looked up at his smile to steal a kiss. He opened his mouth as soon as you did. Your minds became one. not

There was longer a world outside the two of you in this room. There would no longer be a world for one of you in a few seconds. Colin led you outside to the balcony, laughing in the wind with his hand holding you. 

"Stefan," he held his face with his free hand, "This is just so fucked. We're just living here, doing what we like, and then some douchebag just come along to ruin it for the both of us." Colin turns back at you, pulling you to wall preventing you to fall on the ground below.

"We can still be happy, no matter what happens. We keep coming back over and over, even if we die," you reasoned with him.

He caressed your face, painting it with non-existent colors, "But that's what wrong. We matter so little that we just keep coming back to be forced to endure this insanity. How many times have you been trying to get out? How many times have they ended up with you being a murderer?" Colin kissed you, "Our existence is infinitesimal compared to the grand scheme of things. The same goes for our happiness."

"Not for me. Your happiness matters to me, your existence matters to me," your brain failed coming up with words. "Y-your my universe."

He chuckled, "Not for others. We only matter to entertain who ever may be watching, they know nothing about who we are or what we've done until this loop and the rest. Are we even real?"

You grasped at him, clinged to him, "Of course we're real. We're as real as anyone else, it's just that w-we being forced in this situation. Like any other problem, we can solve it...Just the two of us."

"Just the two of us," repeated. He held on as he brought you to the ledge, "Let's get out of this loop together, yeah?"

"Y-yeah, then we'll be happy," you smiled.

Then both of your fell down like how shooting stars soared across the sky. You hoped that everyone could see how bright the two of you together were, that they enjoyed the display that you put on. You wished upon the shooting star that you created that you could have a happy life with Colin.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a fucking wreck. I might edit this later, I don't know.


End file.
